I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
