what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
