It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
