Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
