I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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