Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize