I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
