super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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