Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
