I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
two words: eviction party
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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