I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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