dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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