he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
