My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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