I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
