oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
