he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
