Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
