never play flip cup with pint glasses
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
