I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize