I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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