Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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