is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
