ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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