is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
