The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
