Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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