Just took my morning after pill in the library
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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