I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
