That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
