We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize