She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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