yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
