I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
