you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bring me that man meat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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