Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
