Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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