It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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