but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
