im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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