this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
