People in love make me want to vomit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
