ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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