sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
