2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
