you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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