yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
