We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
