it hurts more in the daytime
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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