It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
