no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
