It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
