If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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