My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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