i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
