ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
