you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
