Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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