drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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