I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize