Joe is yelling at the trees again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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