OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have fence marks all over my body
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
