Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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