She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
