i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
