My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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