I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
