You're my little dorito
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
