Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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