I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
