Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
