i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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