I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
