If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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