I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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