Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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