Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
